Here we are, another week, another Monday. Wow, it started like any typical Monday. I felt very discouraged this morning. Well…… I will tell you why, I have lost more things due to my STOOPIDITY than I care to count. My wife got her a second job and I can’t find ONE job. One vehicle family, sucks, I am forty years old, I should have a job and a car/truck……I guess it goes back to being a Man, I didn’t feel very manly this morning, titty baby maybe but whatever, it is what it is! I don’t have a lawn mower as I was gonna buy me one but messed around and lost my job because once again, my STOOPIDITY. I need to cut my stinking grass! My daughter is sick, spent Saturday nite and early Sunday in the ER. Sunday, I was so tired I couldn’t think strait, I was really in a crappy mood. Should I go on, I believe I will. First, let me say, I am not crying out for help from anybody, please do not think that. I am just crying, moaning and complaining so you can Feel where I was this morning and the last 24 hours.
So, the last couple of days I have been doing this and that, reading, writing, and getting very encouraged. Even, got to the point I said to myself, “Tim, I think its time for you to get down on your knees and fight like a man (pray…in case I confused you)”, even was at the point of having a talk with God about cleansing my soul and washing me white again, and coming in to be the master of my life. Cause believe me, being a slave to drugs, anger, hate, sadness, guilt and shame drove me to suicidal thinking. Which I am glad I didn’t go that far. I will save that far a later date to talk about. I would rather be a slave to God than that other Madness. Anyhow, as I searched out my heart, I thought,” lets try again God, lets see if all those things I was taught as a kid about you are true. Lets just see if you are real. Besides, if I do allow you in my heart, its gotta be better than that life.” I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, thanks Bono. Then, it happened, I woke up, pissed off and mad about that. So discouraged, ringing my hands, and shaking my head. I should have known, the evil one was gonna be lurking about. He comes in like a thief, and I wasn’t armed.
Trying to get my head outta my butt this morning, I just started thinking about different things. I tell you the truth, it was stuck, I couldn’t pull my head outta my butt. Then something hit me, I started thinking about the valley. I remember several years ago, Lamar Harrison, I am sure he wouldn’t mind me telling this. He was preparing to sing a song or he was just ministering about the valley. I remember he said there is life in the valley. Things grow in the valley. It is green in the valley. What do I do, I google valley and search the images and there it is. Every picture I see, every valley is green and full of life and there are cities there in the valley. Flowers grow in the valley. Animals live and thrive in the valley, waters flow through the valleys. You think that’s coincidence, I think not. But, I did continue on with those thoughts and I thought about Mt Everest. My son came home from Orlando last night…Imma break in and brag about him for a sec. My son is President of the Honors Program and is an officer in Phi Theta Kappa at Pearl River Community College. The PTK had their annual, national convention this past week in Orlando, therefore he went. Proud of that young man. He came in telling me about this lady that climbed Mt Everest (3 times), she is a scholar and she was speaking at the convention, but I can’t recall her name. Nevertheless, she spoke about her adventures and how one time she attempted to climb but there was a storm therefore she and her team couldn’t do it that day. Storms will destroy any great plan. She spoke of her journey and how she had to prepare for her ascent to the summit. I can’t remember exact detail but this is the meat and potatoes of what she spoke about. Upon getting to the first of three base camps, you have to stay there several days to get acclimated to the elevation and lack of oxygen. Once the allotted time is met, you have to hike to the second base camp, stay there the night and return to the original base camp. then repeat. Once you are back at the second base camp, you prepare for the third base camp, hike up to the third base camp and repeat. Back to the second, you get what I am saying…..Then to the summit, this takes much work, stamina, determination and tenacity. In other words, it ain’t no easy adventure. Not too mention, as you ascend to the top, for every step you take you have to stop ten minutes to catch your breath. Yep, I said for every step. SO, again I ask you, do you think my son came home to tell me about Mt Everest was by chance. I think not. I think a lesson was needed for Tim because I was getting weary. Feel free to believe what you will. It takes work to get to the top, all the while life is blooming down in the valley. Sure, there is jubilation at the top. There is celebration, joy, happiness, warm fuzzy feelings, etc. Notice there is no life on top of the mountain, no flowers, no animals, nobody or no thing lives on the top of the mountain. Those feelings are temporary. Now, you have to walk down that mountain, and be careful, if you fall, its a steep drop, may be fatal.
Dear brother or sister, if you are feeling discouraged like I was, know you are not alone. I too was there and am there, but things feel so much better this afternoon. I think I can make the rest of my day that I am blessed with. I hope this encouraged you like it did me. If it didn’t, thats ok, my life and your life may be on a different path. So be it, life is good. I am drug free today. I can smile today. I am loved today and I can love em back. The tears I shed now are happy tears or they are tears of cleansing, cleansing of my soul. I love you all!
Going Forward in Reverse,
http://youtu.be/O_ISAntOom0 U2_ I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For